The Dreaded Fatigue

fatigue | fəˈtiːɡ/

noun

1. extreme tiredness resulting from mental or physical exertion or illness.

 verb

1. cause (someone) to feel exhausted.

 

Recently I was told I always complain about being tired, every day.

It made me reflect on the last few weeks. I found myself thinking, ‘you know what? Yeah, I do complain about being tired a lot, not because I am just tired but because I’m completely exhausted.’ It’s not just my body that is exhausted, I’m mentally drained too.

Now let me explain exactly what fatigue is and why I suffer from it so much. Fatigue is when you have no energy whatsoever, no physical energy or mental energy.  What causes this can be stress, deterioration of health. Me being me, I always care for others before myself. I come second when others I care about are concerned including my job. With this mindset, I don’t get to have much time for myself. If I’m not working, I’m cooking, cleaning, ironing or constantly doing something else. Only then I’ll be able to ‘relax’ and catch up with my soaps or something before needing to do something else like washing up the dishes I’ve used or put the clothes out to dry. Most of the time, I nap but not even several naps can rid of the fatigue I suffer from. I cannot point out the last time I didn’t spend sleeping on my day off work. Even after a 10-hour sleep, I’m still tired. It can’t be helped. I so wish I wasn’t so tired all the time, I wish I was feeling energised and able to do things that I actually wanted to do. Fatigue isn’t something you can control, which a lot of people don’t realise.

 

“I feel heavy like a constant weight is on my shoulders, sluggish and my eyes feel like they need matchsticks”

 

Currently, I am suffering from an intense amount of stress, this then has a massive impact on my mind and body. Unfortunately for me, stress causes my Crohn’s to flare a symptom of which, surprise surprise, is fatigue. This then impacts my mental health. I’m not going into too much detail about what factors are causing me to be stressed because it’s quite personal but it’s not just one factor. Ideally, I’d like to be signed off work for a while, however, I cannot afford to do this. Therefore I’m forced to go to work, which causes me to be more fatigued. Right now it’s kind of a vicious cycle. I have about 20 minutes a day where I contemplate everything and just cry. It sounds so weird but it actually helps. Luckily, I know I’m not alone but when you feel like this, you don’t want to discuss it with others. Purely because there’s no more energy in you to try explain to others that this is how you feel. Instead, I put a smile on my face, hold my head high and get on with my business. So here’s a blog on it, where my strength is writing.

I hope this helps educate you on what fatigue is how and it’s pretty much unmanageable. For those of you who already know what it is and go through the same, I hope this helps you realise you are also not alone.

Love and light,
Guts, Giggles & More x

 

2 thoughts on “The Dreaded Fatigue”

  1. As someone who experiences bone-weary, make-you-cry fatigue, I can relate. Thank you for posting this and being so honest. The 20 minute crying time actually sounds like a good idea; sometimes I feel like I keep pushing through, keep pushing the frustration down, and then I implode. Sending a hug your way xx
    Caz 🙂

    Like

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